Tiger Woods

I do not want to waste much time on this, or indeed comment or moralize on it, except to say, that when the press and TV news spend so much energy on subjects of this nature and it dominates our listening and reading lives, I am comforted that the world is a much safer place

Reality TV

Reality Television has a lot to answer for seeing as it's become a substitute for the myriad of entertainment that can be found in the real world. As one sits in front of the TV ridiculing the participants of such contrived BS, don’t forget that just outside your front doors there is a much richer and more entertaining world, full of real people to ridicule and laugh at, without being disturbed by commercial breaks or benign “words from our sponsors.”

On Sunday afternoon, Kate and I sat on a bench by a reservoir in Chestnut Hill. Circumventing the reservoir was a gravel path, exploited by people walking on their own, in small groups, cycling and dog walking or, in one particular case, dog running, in an array of different exercise garb.

A couple walked casually in front of us chatting and then stopped, “Ready” she asked, and then they proceeded to position themselves, arms set in running mode with fingers outstretched and palms flat. They both then placed one straightened leg behind whist the other was slightly bent in front, and with a little rock backwards, they were off, bouncing along the path together, arms cutting the air robotically. Shortly after, a man wearing long navy coloured chinos, a greyish short sleeved polo shirt and brown non-running shoes, scuttled past us, upright and with a pained look on his face. We wondered what he wore when he was out with friends at a bar. And then there was the girl with pink shorts; she glided along and seemingly, the only part of her anatomy that moved was her pink bottom.

I do sincerely admire joggers, or maybe it’s the commitment and determination required to run nowhere in particular that I admire. I have tried on a number of occasions to emulate them. Sadly, I am just not built that way, and my attempts usually end with me, red faced, puffing, panting, and bent forward, hands resting on my knees for support, with nausea negotiating with the contents of my stomach, and my chest pleading with me to seek alternative methods of entertainment. I am definitely a short burst running sort of person, and save this talent for emergencies.

The following evening we were at a bar, a couple sat close to us and it was obvious from their body language and strained attempt at conversation that their relationship was in its very early stages. It was hard to hear what she was saying, but he certainly made up for it as he boomed out question after question and statement after statement; is it difficult to buy clothes for your body size? I like good teeth, you look very nice by the way (30 minutes into the conversation), and then declared that the shirt he was wearing was his “second date shirt.” Apparently, pink is not the colour to wear on a first date- it gives the wrong impression, I suppose.

As they became more comfortable with each other, the clipboards came out and they went through the checklist together, “what I like and don’t like in a mate.” Once this was completed, they then proceeded to clarify their understanding to the answers of said checklist by talking about past relationships and declaring why they did not work out.

I am not being critical by commenting on such matters, as I appreciate that in someone else’s world I am the butt of jokes and ridiculed for the way I am, all of which is good and confirms that that there is an abundance of entertainment to be found outside of the box that dominates most living rooms.

More Ist's

Itoldyousoist
keepupwiththejonsesist
badmannersist
negativeist

Coffee & Tea

This morning, at an ungodly hour, I powered up my blackberry to see what time it was, it was 5.35 am. A text appeared which had been sent just under 4 hours before, asking if I flossed. Hmm! An interesting question to be greeted with at that hour, and to which I replied, occasionally.

I tried to get back to sleep but, as is often the case, my mind sprang from that one question to other, related matters, which had previously been discussed with the sender of the text, and on this occasion it was about the English and their teeth.

This subject has been part of other conversations I have had with other Americans during my time here, and it did make me wonder why, as I have seen as many Americans with a mouthful of strangely arranged teeth as I have English people.

However, I have come to the conclusion that the difference is related more to what hot beverage one drinks and as a result, the colour of the teeth, rather than how they are organised.

Since moving here, I have taken to drinking coffee rather than tea, as in strong English tea rather than the fancy stuff you can now buy, and have found that my teeth have stained far less.

I have no idea though, what beverage the woman in the picture above may have drank, but she looks happy and I, did not get back to sleep.

With Love

Ism's and Ist's

Racism abhors me, as do many other ism's, but I did wonder if I am an ist of any kind, and came to the conclusion that I am, a;

Miserableist
Grumpyist
Nagist
Moanist

Creating markets for useless gadgets

My friend Brian brought this to my attention. It’s fantastic! The RETRACTABLE HOSE, Central Vacuum System. Until reading the advert that he passed me, I did not even know these things existed. I am so excited, I want one.

So, here’s how it works;

Behind a convenient wall in your house you hide a huge container; attached to this container is very long hose (apparently they can cover up to 2,300 sq.ft.); the hose is used, with the help of your cleaning wand, to suck up the dirt in your house; to access the hose, a hole (outlet) is drilled into the wall and the end of the hose lies there, willing and able at any time, day or night, to be pulled out and extended to the required length, so you can vacuum your house.

When you have completed your vacuuming, you detach your wand and the suction from the central vacuum power unit, retracts the hose from whence it came. Simple!

User Testimonials exude compliments. “This system is the coolest thing in my new home, and because it is more convenient we clean more often, so our home is cleaner and healthier. My friends are very envious!!!”

I want to meet you, oh great user testimonial. My life feels incomplete now and I desire to be fulfilled like you. If an enormous hose that leaps from the wall at the touch of a button, ready to do your bidding does it for you, then I am missing out on something. I can only imagine the power that such a hose produces as it sucks away. I want my friends to envy me; to gather at my home and watch with amazement as I take my wand in hand; for their eyes to widen as I skip up the stairs, my lengthy hose in tow. Where would you hide your hose?

I bet you have great parties.

With Love